What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 04:43
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She wouldn,t have been !
I was very sick at this time too.
We all went to grammer schools
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I have no regrets .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Do women really cheat more than men?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I’m 17 and looking for a girl. What do I do?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
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Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I think the readers, may guess!
What are the strangest parts of The Bible?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
How do I seduce a maid for sex?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Have you ever lied to your family? What were the circumstances?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Who then, do I blame.?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
All the time i was locked up.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
(And it was in our own minds.)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im still living with it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But it wasn’t much.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I don,t even have a pension.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I waited trembling.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She married twice! .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He knew the spot.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She loved him until the end.
And i lived it daily.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Comes on , in middle age.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was seconnd youngest,
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I could never make a relationship work though!
It was going to be , some day.
I write beautiful poetry .
I said to her
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was scared of men, in general
But, we were locked up after school.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Would this be the day?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She found it foreign!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
When she asked me how she looked .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Was to survive, this bastard.
I couldn’t, believe it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She was in good health!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What did i know ?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I will be 64.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So whats the point in blame.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One cannot live in the past .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was 9 years of age.
So, i spoilt her more .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i do to all so called friends.?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Ive learnt so much.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Put me off passion for life!!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He resisted the act ,that day.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We were not on the streets..
This is soul school!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My family never makes their pension either.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why did i forgive my father ?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My life is so biszare .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.